Today, i want to talk about something that has become very important to me over the last few years. It’s one of the main reasons why i’ve changed completely from the person i was a few short years ago to the person i am today.
That thing is, GETTING RID OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO CONTRIBUTE NOTHING TO YOUR LIFE!
Now, i’m not a religious man, even though i was born a Catholic but somewhere in the bible Paul wrote: “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.” This one statement alone should be your guiding light into the future when selecting your friends, relationships and acquaintances.
Now i know you can’t change your blood family but the same standards still apply. If they contribute nothing but negativity to whatever you do or say in life, it’s time to break those family ties and spend less time with them.
Sounds harsh but believe me, if you want to follow YOUR dreams and live YOUR life on YOUR terms then you have to do what’s best for you and no one else because if you don’t, rest assured, there’s nothing more certain in life than people being ready to bring you down to their level.
It all comes down to how you were influenced growing up. The people who were around you most as a child and young adult, whether family or friends, are the people who would have helped form the way you speak, act and think today.
So it stands to reason that if you were around happy, positive, encouraging people from childhood then you have a much greater chance of passing those characteristics on to your own children, friends and relationships throughout your life.
However, if the opposite occurred and you were constantly involved in conflict, arguing, negativity and even violence, then those are the traits you are most likely to absorb and pass on to those around you in the future.
Now obviously there are many examples of people who have come from destructive backgrounds and have gone on to great things but all of the evidence shows that whatever your influences were when growing up, the likelihood is that you will display a lot of those traits throughout your adult life.
If as an adult you are a kind, caring and positive person but you then get involved with the wrong kind of people their influence by just being around you, can corrupt your previously good character. So rather than your positive energy being improved further, you can be slowly whittled away to become a shell of the person you once were.
The worst part of this is it happens slowly and gradually over many months and years, so much so that you may not even realize you’re changing for the worse. It’s others who knew you as the positive person you were who will notice before anyone else as they are the best people to judge.
So how can you avoid this happening in your new friends and relationship choices?
Firstly, make sure you choose people that you’re familiar with. People who you’ve had a chance to watch and be around for a good 6 months to a year. This will ensure that you know the person you’re about to invite into your life.
Spend some time with them in a variety of situations. Is there anything questionable about their beliefs or activities? Ask a couple people for their advice and opinions as well. Some of your friends or family may have seen a different side to your potential new partner or friend.
But what if it has to be someone random who you’ve never met before? This is most likely the case if you’re moving into a dorm in your first year of college or you meet a new potential love interest in a bar or during the day.
You’re really going to have to rely on your own instincts in this case and judge for yourself whether someone will be good to be around or not. Either way, it may be good to have some up front conversations in the beginning to lay down a framework for what you will and won’t accept.
For example, when you meet someone new you can let them know, gently of course, that drugs, smoking and heavy drinking aren’t cool with you and that you don’t want that kind of behaviour acted upon when you’re together.
Don’t come across as self-righteous though as that can come across as too in your face. If you explain your boundaries in a calm, friendly manner, your new friend or potential relationship will understand.
I do this with EVERYONE i meet nowadays. I have a set list of values and behaviours i will and won’t accept in a potential girlfriend or male friend and if they go against any of those things, i get rid, NO QUESTIONS ASKED!
I haven’t got time to waste on anyone, no matter how beautiful she is or how much of a great mate they are. Cross the line and YOU’RE OUT! 🙂
I’ve gotten rid of so many people in my life over the last few years, especially in the last year or so, who i just feel are contributing nothing to my happiness. Potential girlfriends, family members, Facebook ‘friends’ and lifelong real life friends have all gone the journey and i feel so much better for it.
I’d much rather be on my own but HAPPY than have dozens of people around me bringing me down to their levels.
Till next time…